Our Lady of Meager Paychecks and Muscle Cramps
Stretchucanna sprung whole from rubber trees after hearing the cries of the world's poor and underpaid as well as female weekend athletes. Just as her own favorite goddess, Persephone, Stretchucanna heard and responded to these lost souls.
In her case, Stretchucanna allowed herself to be made into many brightly colored rubber bands. These holy bands, carried in the pockets of her faithful, serve to remind us to stretch beyond what is comfortable to find true happiness.
Miraculously, however, Stretchucanna also can pull herself together--tall, brown, dreadlocked, and formidable--to stand against those who exploit the hard worker and the poor. She also hisses at those who denigrate women athletes. She is the patron of the double-jointed, the gymnast and the graduate student, but also finds delight aiding women who start a sport in middle age.
Along with wide stretches of wild forest, devotees worship her in dollar stores, by clipping coupons, by exercising to generic yoga videos, and by stretching between innings of baseball games whether they are playing or not.
Despite her favoritism to women, Stretchucanna also will aid any man with his value shopping and sore muscles if he promises to treat all women with respect.
~ Sheila McLaughlin Sikorski
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