Musings on the Womanly Sense of Humor

A Goddess Gift

Are you aware that, according to several studies, women workers are often "better equipped" to defuse potentially violent situations in the workplace? Being endowed with a well-developed funny bone is truly a gift from the goddess!
No one knows exactly why this is so, but several authors suggest that perhaps it is that women's smaller size and softer voices make them seem less threatening, thus allowing the level of anxiety to decrease and de-escalating the situation.

We've occasionally observed situations where a "womanly sense of humor" proved invaluable in turning a dangerous situation around.

Those who study gender differences in communication note that women are much less likely to rely on a sense of superiority in their humor than men.  Women's jokes are less likely to hinge on the teller's being in a 'one-up' position (ethnic, mother-in-law or dumb blond jokes, for example). They are more likely to focus on some aspect of the universal human condition as a source of amusement.

Sometimes the humor of women is earthy. . . a commentary about human nature, our appetites, vanities, and failings. When laughing about the indignities women go through biologically, we can be quite bawdy.  The goddesses gave women a special gift . . . the irreverent, unique, and sacred gift of humor.


Some Examples of Women's Humor

How True!

Laugh and the world laughs with you.
Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.

-Laurie Kuslansky-

Thirty-five is when you finally get
your head together and your body
starts falling apart.

-Caryn Leschen-

Inside every older person is a younger
person -- wondering what the hell happened.

-Cora Harvey Armstrong-

The hardest years in life are
those between ten and seventy.

-Helen Hayes (at 73)-

When I was young, I was put in a
school for retarded kids for two years
before they realized I actually had a
hearing loss. And they called ME slow!

-Kathy Buckley

Things are going to get a lot worse
before they get worse.

-Lily Tomlin-

My second favorite household chore
is ironing. My first being, hitting my
head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

-Erma Bombeck-

Old age ain't no place for sissies.

-Bette Davis-

I have yet to hear a man ask for
advice on how to combine marriage
and a career.

-Gloria Steinem-

I am a marvelous housekeeper.
Every time I leave a man I keep his house.

-Zsa Zsa Gabor-


Every time I close the door on reality
it comes in through the windows.

-Jennifer Unlimited-

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears
makes one you can ride on.

-Roseanne Barr-

I try to take one day at a time, but
sometimes several days attack me
at once.

-Jennifer Unlimited-

If you can't be a good example, then
you'll just have to be a horrible warning.


I refuse to think of them as chin
hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.

-Janette Barber-

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde
jokes because I know I'm not
dumb ... and I'm also not blonde.
-Dolly Parton-

If high heels were so wonderful, men
would still be wearing them.

-Sue Grafton-

When women are depressed they
either eat or go shopping.
Men invade another country.

-Elayne Boosler-

Nobody can make you feel inferior
without your permission.

-Eleanor Roosevelt-

The phrase "working mother"
is redundant.

-Jane Sellman-


Messages from Flight Attendants

"Our seat belts work just like every other seat belt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, margarine cups will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask and pull it over your face.  If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs.  If you are traveling with more than one small child...pick your favorite."
"Last one off the plane has to clean it!"

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants.  Please do not leave children or spouses."

"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Place place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or other adults who are acting like children."



Most Men Just Don't 'Get' This One!

A woman and her daughter spent the day shopping together for the perfect dress for her to wear as mother-of-the bride at the daughter's wedding next month. They had wonderful luck and emerged from the day ecstatic over the purchase, having found "the perfect dress".
The next weekend the daughter visited her dad and the woman he was dating (who was, of course, considerably younger than her mother). She was appalled when her father's girlfriend showed her the dress she was planning to wear to the wedding. It was identical to the one they had just bought for her mother!
The daughter tells the girlfriend what has happened and asks her to return it to the store and choose something else.  "I certainly will NOT", the girlfriend replied, "I look absolutely stunning in this shows off my fabulous figure and the color accentuates my suntan perfectly. No way am I taking it back!"
Heartsick, the daughter broke the bad news to her mother, who responded, "No problem, honey, I'll wear something else.  This will be the most special day of your life, and I want it to be absolutely perfect for you."
"Mom, you're the greatest . . . so understanding and supportive. I sure hope you don't have any trouble getting a refund on the dress."
"Oh, I'm not returning the dress", the mother answered. "I'll just wear it to the rehearsal dinner!"



Three Proofs

Three Proofs That Jesus Was Mexican

His first name was Jesus.
He was bilingual.
He was always being harassed
      by the authorities.
Three Proofs That Jesus Was Jewish

He went into his father's business.
He lived at home until he was 33.
He was sure his mother was a virgin, and
      his mother was sure he was God.   
Three Proofs That Jesus Was Black

He called everybody "brother".
He liked Gospel.
He couldn't get a fair trial.
Three Proofs That Jesus Was Italian

He talked with his hands.
He had wine with every meal.
He worked in the building trades.
Three Proofs That Jesus Was Irish

He never got married.
He was always telling stories.
He loved green pastures.
Three Proofs That Jesus Was A Californian

He never cut his hair.
He walked around barefoot.
He started a new religion.

And now the MOST compelling proofs:

Three Proofs That Jesus Was A Woman

He managed to feed a crowd, at a moment's notice, even though there was no food.

He kept trying to get the message across to a bunch of men who just didn't 'get' it.

Even when he was dead, he had to get up because there was more work to be done.


Everyday People Cartoons

...because we all need to laugh at ourselves every so often

by Cathy Thorne

Just a sampling of the lines here.   Best viewed with her cartoon drawings
at Cathy's website, Everyday People Cartoons
"Sometimes I'm in Denial
and I Like It"
"Sure I look 'Hot' . . . who wouldn't
in a push-up bra and tummy-tucker!"
"Rebound Girl . . . Leaps Tall Men
In A Single Bound"
"I'm sorry (even though it was
entirely your fault)"
"It's not that I want to change him.
It's just that he would be so much better if he were different."


Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans.
Bean = vegetable.
Sugar is derived from either sugar cane or sugar BEETS.

Both of them are plants, in the vegetable category.
chocolate is a vegetable.


To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk,
which is dairy.  So,
candy bars are a health food.

Chocolate-covered raisins,
cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
Remember - - -
"STRESSED"spelled backward is "DESSERTS" MA9.1049175353
Send this to four people and you will lose 2 pounds.

Send this to all the people you know (or ever knew), and you will lose 10 pounds.
If you delete this message, you will gain 10 pounds immediately.

That's why I had to pass this on - - - I didn't want to risk it.


For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on:

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would
all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

Is it any wonder that we love -- but sometimes hate -- our computers!

To Goddess Gift